Behold – the handy dandy Auto-Rejection Principle

The Auto-Rejection Mechanism is a principle in many people’s lives.

Basically, if you believe that you can’t have something, you will tend to rationalize that you don’t want it so that you can be happy and comfy inside.

“I don’t want what I can’t get.”

Since our beliefs on what we can have, or deserve to have, are often deeply conditioned this principle dictates much of what we see as even being possible.

This principle can be observed in matters of romance: from casual dating to marriage, or work and careers.


Virus and Backup WARNING Tale..

I just lost 50 hours of my life, and almost 4 years of development work, contracts, proposals, and email, because of two things:

1. My generally lazy approach to backups. Really, 350GB drives are dime a dozen these days but I still rotate 3 year old archives on and off aging 20GB hard drives and a set of scratched DVDs…

2. The MOST EVIL and heinous combination of spyware and computer viruses I have ever seen. I have NEVER encountered a spyware infection I wasn’t able to clean off a computer in 2-3 hours. Somehow somewhere a particularly virulent strain of two separate viruses infected my U3 FLASH ROM DRIVE !!

YES, they were able to compromise the potentially useful, but dumb in implementation, auto-magic loading U3 utility built into my jump drive, infect the READ ONLY HIDDEN PARTITION upon which the U3 software resides, and infect my personal laptop when I transferred my jump drive to it.

Then both viruses added an annoying 9kb signature to EVERY EXECUTABLE FILE on my system. Yes, each file was infected with two viruses. THEN it downloaded an ANNOYING strain of the Smitfraud spyware and within a couple of days the computer was a mess.

I lost 50 hours so war over a two week period, while also undergoing some other personal crap, heartbreak, and a death in the family. Highly aggravating.

WORSE, and I kid you not, I suspect that the damn thing somehow seems to have affected the bios of my computer. Yes, I believe it actually flashed my bios.

After cleaning it from my computer twice, and somehow missing some tiny portion. suddenly my CD Rom drive was rendered ineffective, Yes, I can not boot from the cd rom, and the device can not be accessed in windows. Remove the hard drive and set the CD Rom as the first boot device and guess what? Nothing can boot from it, the floppy can still boot oddly.

Highly suspect, the hardware’s healthy but aging, a 3 year old Pentium 4 laptop, the odds of the CD Rom drive hald dying (the bios recognizes it, and windows sees the device but simply can’t mount any media inserted in it, or read from it) in the middle of this infection boggles my mind. If its a co-incidence, and I doubt it, its a rather annoying one.

In an odd coincidence my friend Abu Abdullah, a computer tech with 21 years of experience, was hit with the SAME type of infection independently of me within the same 72 hour time-frame, in spite of our having no connection or meeting within that period.. Being rather more 3r33t than I am it only took him 30 hours of labor to get rid of the damn thing.

Hmm.. he and I were both working on some international business opportunities.. hmm. An associate of mine in Australia with whom I’m doing business has been repeatedly hit with nasty viruses and spyware as well as heavy port scans of his computer in his home subnet..


Anyway the moral of the story is: External hard drives are as cheap as candy now, buy one or if you have the cash buy an external USB raid volume, a mirrored drive external unit. Backup, constantly, with obsession.

Two, be VERY careful. I’m usually careful enough I haven’t been infected by anything in years. And now *pow*.

a final lesson someone taught me, and a Jhon Balance Quote

My father taught me one last lesson.

I believe you can not truly understand life until you have actually seen, with your own eyes, someone die before your eyes.

This ideally gives you a sense of proportion.

Short of threshold experiences like: loosing your virginity, Satori / Nirvana / Enlightenment, and dying oneself, seeing life pass from someone in front of your eyes makes you realise how massive the Universe is, and how utterly impotent and helpless you can be in the face of certain things.

To quote the late Jhon Balance, of COIL “Eros and Thanatos are almost twins…”

To fear death is to fear life, to fear life is to fear your own essence, all things perish, few things thrive. Learning to thrive involves learning not to fear extinction.

Good night.

Show Review: 04.17.07: Z’ev, Sikhara, and other Industrial Acts, Cincinnati Noise

Be forewarned: This ain’t Marlyn Mansion, and it ain’t Nine Inch Nails

“Aw dude, I m missed the triple line-up Def Leopard, Nine Inch Nails, Avril Lavinge Show last night!!”
“Aw dude, it was a bitchin show !”
“Really, hey lets go the mall and drown my regret in consumerist shopping!”
“Alright! Yeah, Bitchin!”

As far as post-Industrial and Experimental music art is concerned, Cincinnati’s fortunate to have a good scene with some cutting edge artists. People like Ron Orvitz’s Iovae, Chris Rossing Ape, Mavis, and Robert Inhuman of Realicide, Collin Murray’s Evolve’s hip hop/Industrial explorations, Brian’s 12″ Agitator, and numerous other powerful experimental artists. Cincinnati’s not such a boring place underneath it all. Like any place, its as boring or interesting as you make it.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 Skull Lab, OTR: exhausted from several nights wrestling with data recovery on a malfunctioning network server, I decided to check out the show at the Skull Lab (in the depths of over the Rhine, on McMicken Ave., far from the suburbs..) Numerous post-Industrial and experimental music acts were lined up, including the legendary z’ev. How could I miss this? Much less than missing interesting local acts.

After some business meetings I hopped in my gas guzzling SUV and drove at breakneck speed down McMicken ave, ran inside, was mistaken by a couple of local cuties for my more famous (taller, and heavier, but just as friendly) ‘lil brother Yasin, and settled into the show.

The Skull Lab is a new art gallery and performance space, carved out of a decaying building on McMicken, a space smaller and more intimate than SSNOVA, but with a similar ambiance. I’m glad I caught some of the show, inside was a festival of truly experimental, cutting edge, and intense music and sonic phenomena generation.

– KMFDM and Skinny Puppy fans might… …just.. get it…

– Nurse with Wound, Current 93, and Einstürzende Neubauten fans would not only get it, but would probably experience intense auditory orgasms.

Sadly I missed C. Spencer Yeh – a genius at vocal manipulation whom I had the pleasure of meeting several months ago after a show. – and local noise artists Realicide – artists I greatly respect. I missed Realicide at the Southgate House last month and hoped to catch them this night. Ah well.

I’ve been a grindcore fan for 17 years – I first heard Napalm Death in 1990 and was turned onto Godflesh’s brand of Industrialcore in 1991, so naturally I looked forward to Capital Hemorrhage, but missed them as well. As for Chicago’s Vertonen, Blake Edwards’s, skillful project, I also missed.

I DID catch Sikhara’s entire set. Sikhara are three intense young men on drum sets playing complex, brutal, and seductive rhythms on top of loops of sampled noise and reversed and electronically manipulated voices.

Sikhara was “heavy” in every sense of the word. Blood poured (literally, the front man Scott’s face was covered in his own blood by the show’s end). My body rocked in a near trance with the rhythms – both ancient and modern.

Some rhythms were greatly like Rif’ai Dervish drumming (one of the song loops even had looped Takbir’s in Arabic, a strange sound to hear while the front man’s taking swills from a 40 oz. Malt liquor bottle and then savagely resumed beating rhythms on his drum). Others resembled African and East Indian traditional rhythms. Sikhara displays obvious skill and I hope to catch them live again. Their music is almost.. ritualistic.

Next up, the “Head Liner” – is legendary experimental percussion and an early founder of Industrial Music, Z’EV.
A musical artist whose early works included collaborations with Genesis P ‘Orridge and Psychic TV, and Keiji Haino. His work with DJ Dano was an early influence on what eventually became Gabber. Z’EV gave a mind-blowing percussive performance in the Skullflower’s backroom.

A set of mallet and drumstick manipulations of suspended drums, copper and steel constructed instruments, generating simultaneously dense and ethereal waves of acoustic phenomena, sonic energy emanating from his skillful manipulation was reflected by the ruined tile walls and fixtures of the room (formerly a bathroom) resulting in rolling soundscapes of unimaginable beauty and complexity.
From complex beats to intense drones and even melodies, THIS was the gentle “seduction” after Sikhara’s brutal near “ravaging”. Don’t get me wrong, Z’EV’s performance was heavy, hard, and almost mind altering.

Ron Orvitz’s IOVAE was an interesting climax to the night, he played two pieces of manipulated 4 track layered tape noises. Shortwave radio emissions, the sounds of his bathtub. Amplified drones and waves of noise reminded me very much of some of the gentler work of Boyd Rice’s NON. In fact, Iovae performed some of the most interesting noise art I’ve heard in a while. Tape manipulation seems to be a dying art. I had the fortune of briefly chatting with him after his set, over gear and tape layering techniques. Affable guy, with a great sense of style (much like Chris Rosseing).

There you go, and then I slept and my body recovered from several all nighters correcting network server problems, and then I awoke, drank a shite energy drink, and will now hit the world again.

See, Cincinnati’s as boring or exciting as people find it. It’s an interesting world out there, it’s not the place but the people in the place that matter.


Adventures in RealEstate (my life as a ‘we buy ugly houses guy’)

I try to imagine the conditions under which Donna Trevino once lived. That statement’s relevance will become apparent as you read below. If she wins her lawsuit I am going to beat my head against a wall.

Ok, ugly story below, my Ramadan-time rants. Part one will be “My adventures as a ‘we buy ugly houses guy'” (and i do, I’ll pay you $500 finder fees for them too…)

Part two will be “My adventures as a slumlord” (friends of tattoo artist extrodinare Shawn Hill – who still owes me a wee bit of rent – can bug him for his impressions of that one.)

Some of you know of my various entrepreneurial adventures here and there, scrap metal deals with gypsies, collecting on checks bounced on me by Georgian “good ‘ol boys” getting paid in handfuls of $100 dollar bills handed out of bank money bags on empty dirt back roads in Georgia while the Forsyth County PD and GBI have an APB on my (idiotic) principal, stomping through the rotting still living plants and factories that once were our nation’s Industrial backbone and the hopes and dreams of so many working families – looking for salvable scrap, trying to flip surplus machine bought for pennies on the dollar to the third world, flipping decaying moldering former crack houses in marginal neighborhoods for pennies on the dollar, that sort of stuff. Oh… and property management. Yes property management.

I once had many dreams and ideas about my fellow human beings. Imagine my disappointment when being exposed to one of the most intimate aspects of their lives – their living situations.

There are two sides to every coin, Cincinnati has its fair share of really, really, fux0red up tenancy situations.

On one hand you have lazy and apathetic slum lords who don’t care about the cockroaches chewing the arms off their tenant’s babies (ok, gruesome picture there), or the large furry mold colonies – the size of large dogs – growing in their tenant’s basements (I am not exaggerating. At all.)

On the other hand, the ever nasty ‘nati also has its share of people who choose to live like savage animals. You know it, I know it, and THEY know that they are living foul and wrong damnit?

Why do I know this? Because they get all embarrassed when you come over, and they scurry around to tidy up that which is too far gone to be tidied and you SEE the bloody cockroach nests growing on their WALLS (clear sign of massive infestation) and the whole place smells like a festering charnel house.

Money’s no excuse. It ain’t an excuse – water’s free, you savage bastards – the landlord pays H2O.

Soap is $0.99 at family dollar. And yes, you have a fucking HDTV in your living room I DON’T HAVE AN HDTV because all of my discretionary income goes to 1) debts; and 2) Coffee… lots of coffee. And you have garbage bags full of garbage just lying around spilling their contents..

Slovenly. No excuse.

NOW on to ugly houses. I’ve seen some ugly houses over the last year and a half. And with each passing day they get uglier. Usually owned by some luckless Real Estate Investor who tried her hand at the landlord game, was REALLY NICE to people who lived like bloody animals, who mind you STOP PAYING RENT and this really nice lady can’t pay her mortgage and goes into foreclosure, the bank repos the property, doesn’t bother cleaning the filth out, dumps it on some realtor who tries to hustle $39,500 for a property NO ONE in their right mind would pay more than….

$14,000 for... tops. I’d try to get it for $9,000

And I’m naive. I should lowball these things for $4,000 a pop… but I’m too embarrassed to go that low :-(

Anyway, on to a reckless exposure of my obviously boughi middle class prejudices…

One house I’m looking at is a steal, in Clifton, 2 minutes from UC, selling it for $12,000. Poor thing needs $20Grand worth of work before the building inspectors will even step into it, but it will appraise for $60,000 after its all fixed up. Rents for $900 a month section 8 or just stuff it chock full of foreign graduate students and charge ’em $150 a head. Easy.

Now the story of this sad sad building – nice landlord, professor, rented to a really nice little lady who ALWAYS paid the rent on time but was ALWAYS really reluctant to let the landlady into the premises.

Landlady thusly never saw the rapid decay of her property. Because her knucklehead sweet granny tenant’s 10 daughters, and their 10 baby daddies (I am NOT exaggerating here, I’ll SHOW you the freaking house if you don’t believe me) and assorted barefoot ‘lil babies waddling around in their pampers, were collectively too embarrassed to let the landlady see that they had ripped the house apart on the inside.

Ravaged the poor thing and left it bleeding, ripped holes into the dry wall between the lathes, stuffed the spaces full of old diapers and garbage, stowed full trash bags full of… well.. trash in towering stacks ALL OVER the place, and had over taxed the house’s electric load by plugging close to a dozen extension cords one into another and snaking them all across the house from floor to floor to power their TV’s and stereo gear.

The third floor caught fire – it was of course an electrical fire, no the electricity hadn’t been updated since the 60’s, YES every idiot knows its dangerous to plug a dozen extension cords into various sockets and each other and draw 500 amps through a 100 amp service.

WORSE, check this out; carpenter down the street sees flames SHOOTING out of the third floor. Runs over there, knocks on the door, bangs on the door, knowing there are something like 6 or 7 children stuck inside. Who opens up the door?

A Random baby daddy wannabe thug with a gun. His greeting to the man trying to save their lives was like “what the f&%$% do you want bitch?” And the neighbor has to ARGUE with the cretin to convince him there’s a fire upstairs. The knuckle dragging Neanderthal DIDN’T BELIEVE HIM. Finally the guy was like “HEY LOOK UP THERE, REALLY!” And the Baby daddy du jour looks up and sees the flames SHOOTING out of the third story window, panics, runs in, and escorts close to 25 people (in a 4 bedroom house) outside to safety.

As Tom Waits says; “True story, true story…” Check it out yourself, the place was on Eliza Place, off McMicken, and the fire happened in May.

NOW WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO CONFIRM ALL OF THE WRETCHED STEREOTYPES ALREADY HELD AGAINST THEM ANYWAY? I want to believe in the inherent goodness and decency of humankind.

Really I do.

Oh, and for the record, yes most of the adult males and females in the building were crack heads.

Vile mankyshite little gits..